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| Center, in grey t-shirt: David Horne, Bloomington, Indiana |
Some of my Christian friends keep insisting that their anti-gay stance is not about hate. They just believe that if homosexuals kiss, make love, form stable unions, make homes together, and have children, that they are sinners. My Christian friends keep insisting that their stance is "Biblical."
There are not many verses in the Bible that address homosexuality – author David J. Lose lists seven passages here. The Old Testament never mentions lesbians, only homosexual male sex. The Bible talks mostly about sex between two men. The Bible never addresses homosexuality as an identity. Biblical authors don't reveal any awareness that some people are just born gay and are gay whether they ever have sex or not. It's just who they are.
Leviticus 20:13 tells us that men who have sex with each other should be killed. "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death."
In the New Testament, Paul's first letter to the Corinthians 6:9-10, states, "Do you not know that the unjust will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators nor idolaters nor adulterers nor boy prostitutes nor practicing homosexuals nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor robbers will inherit the kingdom of God."
These passages have been interpreted in a variety of ways. There are many Christians like me who believe that God's love for homosexuals is not different from his love for heterosexuals.
Today I want to let my beautiful friend, David Horne, address these passages. I want to let David speak to my Christian friends who insist that they don't hate gays. They just want to deny them love. Because if a man kisses a man, that is a sin.
I met David in Bloomington, Indiana. David was a Hoosier, born and bred. He was a carrot top, a redhead, and a bit plump. Like a lot of Hoosiers, David enjoyed rich desserts. He made his own Mississippi Mud Pie from scratch.
David grew up in a tightknit family. His house included a log cabin his Hoosier ancestors had built. His mom worked for the university.
David was an Eagle Scout. David's dad worked with David on the project that earned David that high distinction.
Here's David, in an LA Times article, talking about his Eagle Scout project:
David "started out as a Cub Scout in Bloomington, Indiana, because he liked the idea of getting up early and raising the U.S. flag at school. He and his dad, a factory worker and assistant Scoutmaster, worked together to shave down balsa-wood derby race cars. For his Eagle Scout project, Horne designed a playground for his church, working with contractors and raising money. These days, when he visits his parents in Bloomington, he sees kids playing on the slides and swings at the playground he helped build. And he remembers what it was like to feel at 16 that, with such a project under his belt, he was ready for anything."
I met David because when I first moved to Bloomington, Indiana, for graduate school, Christians were publishing letters in the local paper saying that homosexuals should be killed, as per Biblical mandate. Christians were doing this because IU was planning a support center for gay students.
Marchers protested. They carried signs saying that homosexuals should be killed, as per Biblical mandate. They also carried signs saying that Catholics would burn in hell.
The Catholics I grew up among in New Jersey pretty much never mentioned homosexuality. I can't remember it being mentioned in school or in church.
We knew that there were people among us who were gay. No one seemed to care on any theological basis. There was teasing, but that was the kind of mean-spirited teasing that fat kids endure, or kids with funny names. Teasing kids suspected of being gay was never presented as a Christian mandate. It was what cruel and stupid bullies did.
I knew I had to do something because people were using my belief system to hate a persecuted minority. I knew it was my duty, as a Christian, to speak up. Matthew 25:40 – "Whatsoever you do to the least of my brethren, that you do unto me." It was pretty clear to me that homosexuals in Bloomington, Indiana were the least of Jesus' brethren.
I began to publish articles and broadcast radio essays supportive of dignity and inclusion for gay people. I argued for this on Christian grounds. There are examples of my work here, here and here.
I attended PFLAG meetings. I met David there.
David was one of the sweetest people I've ever met. A low income grad student, I did not have a car. David gave me rides. That makes him a special person. Lots of people knew I did not have a car. Lots of good people, including my neighbors, drove past me as I walked in rain and snow and heat waves. David didn't just drive past. David stopped. David gave me a ride.
David did this because he was a Christian. A real Christian.
This is how I heard David's story. I'm not sure of all the details.
David was a Christian, and an activist. He wanted to make the world a better place. Exactly because of this, in his high school, he worked against gay rights.
His fellow Christians had convinced him that homosexuals were hated by God, and an abomination, and a menace to society.
This tore David up inside. He was incredibly lonely. He wanted to love someone, but he knew he could not. If he loved someone, he would be sinning against God. All his fellow Christians assured him of that.
David knew he was really bad. Because he couldn't stop being gay. He tried so hard to stop. He tried so hard to feel desire and romantic feelings for girls.
He couldn't take it anymore. He decided to kill himself.
That's when Doug Bauder stepped in. Doug was a Christian. If I remember correctly. Doug was a Lutheran minister.
Doug stepped in at just the right moment to save David's life. Doug talked about those very few Biblical verses that address homosexual behavior. He put them in context. He interpreted them, as all Christians do interpret the entire Bible. Even those Christians who go on and on about homosexuality being an abomination. They interpret the Bible, too.
One of my anti-gay Christian friends is very big into guns. Obviously, there is some serious Biblical interpretation going on there – please see Matthew 5:39. Another anti-gay Christian friend constantly starts arguments with other Christians in public places, telling them that their take on the Bible is wrong, and hers is right. She thus defies Titus 3:9 and 1 Corinthians 1:10. Many of my Christian friends are quite rich. Jesus tells them to give everything they have to the poor – Matthew 19-21 – or to share all their possessions with other Christians – Acts 4 32-35. Have they? No.
Et voila. All Christians interpret the Bible.
Doug, a Christian, with Christian love, saved David's life.
It was shortly after his suicide attempt that I got to know David.
David shared with me that he was still really sad and lonely. Through a long, slow, methodical journey, through genuine study and prayer, David had come to accept himself as a gay man. He no longer hated himself – in Jesus' name. He no longer beat himself up every day – in Jesus' name. Because that's what his fellow Christians told him to do. To hate himself and beat himself up, in Jesus' name. David stopped doing that.
But after years of hating and hiding, David had no idea how to be gay. He didn't know how to meet men. He didn't know how to flirt. He didn't know how to date. He had been struggling so hard against his homosexuality, that he didn't know how to exercise his homosexuality.
David was terribly lonely. He loved his job – David graduated from IU, and he got a job as a second grade teacher. He loved working with kids. But his next goal was to figure out how to be a romantic being.
I totally understand David. I'm a spinster. Spinster – people bash me for using that word. It's the right word. I am alone. I can't begin to express in this blog post how horrible it is.
I was recently diagnosed with cancer. This brush with my own mortality forced me to confront: I've been alone all my life, and I'll die alone. No one will mourn me. No one will remember me. I am alone on Christmas and Thanksgiving and my birthday. I have no one to hug at the end of the day. In assessing my life, it feels pretty wasted and pointless to me, because I've spent my whole life alone.
My Christian friends who argue so emphatically that gay people must be denied love are themselves so very proud of their families. They constantly post photos of their family members on Facebook, or talk about how important their spouses, siblings, and children are to them.
They would be lost without love, without their families. They would feel like nothing.
That's what they demand of gay people. To be alone. It's so cruel.
I wish I could report to you that David met his goal. He didn't. David died of leukemia shortly after that blessed day when he finally accepted himself as a gay man, and allowed himself permission to love.
If he had been able to accept himself sooner, he would have died with warm, sweet memories to comfort him. He would have died with memories of a high school crush, of eyes meeting across the cafeteria, flirting, a first kiss, a dance at the prom.
Instead he died with the bulk of his memories being about hating himself and fighting himself and wanting to destroy himself, in Jesus' name. Because that's what his fellow Christians hammered into him.
I know how much warm, sweet moments can mean to a dying person. When I was diagnosed with cancer, it was random memories – a warm hug, a stray kiss – that assured me that my own life was not a complete waste.
I wish my anti-gay Christian friends would take a good hard look at themselves. And into their Bible. I wish they would talk with gay Christians. I've read all the world's great religions' scriptures, and some of the minor ones, as well. Not all the texts, but representational texts. What makes the Judeo-Christian tradition different is our belief that God loves each and every one of us. Created each and every one of us and declared us good. That is our message to the world. Divine love.
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